Graham’s Grumblings: A bar of soap and a bee in my bonnet
By Timothy R. Graham
Director of Government Relations
The clocks have sprung forward - despite a bill in the Kansas Legislature that would prohibit Kansas from participating in daylight saving time.
Yes, that’s actually a thing.
Anyhow, spring means many things in Kansas. Warmer days. Longer evenings. And before long, the lilacs will start to bloom.
For me, the smell of lilacs always brings back memories of my Grandma Graham.
I mention my grandparents often. My grandma and grandpa - along with my dad - raised me. Looking back, I’d like to think they did a pretty decent job. I mean, I didn’t turn out too bad.
Unfortunately, I may have let them down a little bit Thursday night during our Government Relations Zoom call.
I sure am glad my grandparents aren’t around anymore to see me fall again.
But fall I did.
I said a naughty word. Actually ... two.
Honestly, a little bit of that tendency probably comes naturally. My grandpa was a sailor in World War II, and when my grandma got properly ticked off, she knew how to cuss like one. She wasn’t vulgar by any means, but she could occasionally rattle off an s-word, a d-word and every now and then even an a-word.
Still, she was always quick to remind me that just because she said a naughty word didn’t mean that I should.
In fact, she'd often say, “I’ll wash that mouth out with soap, Timothy Robert.”
So, no - she would not have approved of my language last night.
Let me explain what happened.
During the call, I was describing KNEA’s position on the original House bill to ban cell phones in schools, HB 2421. Some of you may remember that version of the bill included a reporting provision that would have required teachers to spend instructional time tracking and reporting student screen use - essentially producing paperwork that would likely end up sitting on a dusty shelf somewhere while someone later uses it to claim teachers are somehow doing something wrong.
In describing our position, I said it was a “hell no.”
I sure am sorry about that.
Instead of saying he … oops - I almost cursed again - I’ll say heck no next time.
And if that wasn’t bad enough, I made another booboo.
I mentioned I got a little p!$$ed off when a member of the Legislature who doesn’t even send his own kids to public schools made a comment suggesting communist sympathies were being “fomented,” as he put it, in our K-12 classrooms.
This all took place on Feb. 11 in the Senate Committee on Education during a hearing on SB 381, a bill that would mandate schools teach about communist and socialist regimes and ideologies while also requiring Kansas students to pass a citizenship test to graduate.
Seriously - this is a real bill, too.
In fact, it already passed the Senate with 26 votes and is scheduled for a hearing Monday in the House Committee on Education.
Heavens to Betsy - I hope that phrase isn’t offensive.
It does make me wonder how many legislators could pass the citizenship test themselves before they’re allowed to force that on Kansas students.
But I digress.
I always knew Kansas was considered a red state. I just didn’t realize we were talking about communist red.
So yes, I was a little angry.
But next time I’ll make sure that instead of saying I was pis ... oops, I almost cursed that time too - I’ll say I have a bee in my bonnet.
You may be saying, what’s the big deal? Were there kids on the call? No. But apparently, I may have gone too far.
Dang me. I promise to do better. After all, why would I ever curse when describing the actions of the Kansas Legislature - you know, such a peaceful, reasonable place.
My language was not justified at all. Not one bit.
Now, back to my grandmother.
If my grandma believed she had spoken the truth, she probably wouldn’t have apologized at all. She would have said what she had to say - not in a mean-spirited way, never that - but as she liked to put it, “in no uncertain terms.”
And if someone took offense?
Well, she had a saying for that too.
“They can just get glad in the same pants they got mad in.”
Timothy R. Graham is the Director of Governmental Relations and Legislative Affairs for KNEA. He has spent more than 25 years working inside Kansas politics and government, including Director of Government Affairs for Gov. Laura Kelly; Deputy Executive Director of the Kansas Lottery; Interim Executive Director of InterHab; Chief of Staff to the Kansas Senate Minority Leader; and Assistant Secretary of State for the State of Kansas. He can be reached via email at timothy.graham@knea.org.
The opinions expressed herein are those of the author alone and should not be interpreted as reflecting the official policies or positions of the Kansas National Education Association (KNEA), its local affiliates or its members.